Tuesday Stream Of Consciousness

I’m writing this post, cuddled up on the sofa with Nicholas’ fever hot body leaning against mine, whilst we are watching Disney Junior together. He got a fever and a bad cough yesterday and isn’t feeling great today. It’s one of the few times that he will actually sit like this with me and cuddle for longer than two seconds, so i find myself enjoying it even more. He is so cute when he says “mamma?” and I turn over to look at him, and he grabs my head (not so gently) and places a kiss right on my forehead, very gently. My little boy is growing up so fast!

My little big boy completely entranced by the TV this morning

Last night I got up three times to check on him since he had quite a high fever, i would gently tip toe into his room and put my hand on his neck to gauge if his fever had gone up or stayed the same. I listened to his laboured fast breathing, and it reminded me of when he was born, and how his breathing was so fast and shallow for the first 2 days. One of the times I went in he woke up, and I picked his sleepy body up and sat with him leaning his hot body on against mine, and I could have sat there forever even though I was so tired from already having had a bad nights sleep the day before. He drank a bit of water, and then put his heavy head back on my shoulder, and it felt so good to be right there at that time, and to be the one that could comfort him and make him feel better. To be the one he needs, and as he is growing and changing and getting more and more independent I have to treasure the little moments when he still wants his Mamma close, when he comes running for a little cuddle or some reassurance. To me he is still my little baby, and to think that in a few short weeks he will be two just blows me away. Even the idea that his daycare start-date has been set is somewhat unimaginable.

The 12th of March we will be going for the first day of introduction and schooling in, and he will no longer be home with me all day long to play and cuddle whenever we want to. I am trying to cram in as many hugs and cuddles and fun times as possible while we are still just us – soon enough our little princess will be here, and the dynamics of the household will change. We will all have to find our new place in the family, me as mother of two, and Nicholas as big brother and no longer the baby of the household. I think the process will be challenging at times, but rewarding as well. Change is good,  we need it to find new inspiration and to create that extra nudge to get out of that funk that follows the holidays and being back in all the old. New is good, and this family addition will be new for all of us.


Yesterday Kenny and I were going through Nicholas old clothes to pack away everything  that is too small, and sort it into one box for all the ones that are not unisex and can’t be used by our little girl, and one box with all the clothes that she can use as well.

We sat there and looked at his clothes, and they bring back so many memories. I found myself holding up item after item saying, do you remember this? He wore this that time in the park remember. And as we got further down in sizes I could see Kenny’s expression changing as well, from that smiling fun expression, to that somewhat nostalgic one that comes with looking back at an experience,situation or time that you really loved and that now has passed. When we got down to the size 50 and 56 I suddenly wasn’t the one asking if he remembered, but he was asking me.

Do you remember how little he was?

first night at home, six days old

around 10 days old and taking a bath

the happy family, Nicholas about 2 weeks

Yes I remember! To me it’s the feeling of a tiny little body snuggled up close to my heart, and weighing just 3,5 kg. It’s the feeling of him resting his head on my shoulders and his legs not reaching further down than my chest.

But when I see this

New borne size 50 pyjamas, together with the ones that fit him now..

I have a hard time comprehending that he can grow so much in only 22 months! And it is strange to think that so very soon I will be holding another little body close to my heart, and that she will probably be just as small..


Things that have been making me happy the last few days:

These little lanterns we bought in Thailand for Nicholas’ room. They are so colourful and bright, and at night they create the nicest ambience. Right now they are hanging in the kitchen as I still haven’t finished decorating Nicholas room, and I think they might end up staying. I smile every time I walk in there!


These alphabet magnets on the fridge. Nicholas got them from his auntie Steph and Stam for Christmas, and he goes into the kitchen ever so often to press and change the letters and sing phonemes. Super cute.


This little table and the two chairs that we bought at Ikea for just 179SEK. I assembled it yesterday, and we have already sat by it and played with play-doh, and made beautiful pictures. Nicholas even used one chair to climb on so he could peek out the window at the passing trains!

The fact that I have started crocheting on Nicholas blanket, I might just have made two patches so far, but I will definitely finish it, and I know it will look so nice on his bed!

That we purchased this double stroller yesterday, in black and bright pink! I can’t believe I’m buying something in pink this time around, I’m so used to buying for a boy that it’s just so fun to choose something I would want for me..

I’ve had a hard time deciding on a double stroller. I know I will be 100 percent dependant on it, as I don’t drive yet (shame on me, and yes it is on my to do list) I use public transportation or my legs to get everywhere, and having Nicholas walking next to me in the city or on the tube is totally a no-go because

A) I wouldn’t get anywhere I wanted to go in anything under two hours, Nicholas is not a child that likes to hold your hand, and he will not walk where you tell him to, plus his little legs don’t walk very fast. Imagine trying to make it to the tube in time, or to a Dr. appointment.

B) Nicholas still takes his naps in the stroller whenever we are out, and it is important for me to be able to take both kids with me to the park in the summer without having to go home for Nicholas nap time.

I had one criteria that narrowed the choices down quite a bit, I wanted to be able to have the little one facing me also after she was done with the bassinet. I have had that option with the bugaboo cameleon, and I really loved the way Nicholas and I have been able to connect when we are out and about. I can see what he is looking at, and we can talk about those things together. Plus it feels much more natural to talk to him about our surroundings when I am actually eye to eye, rather than talking to the back of a canopy.

In the end I narrowed it down to two options

this one

Bozz allorund Syskonvagn

that also have seats that can be used both ways independent of each other. But at a much much lower cost. You can look at the specifics here

and the Donkey. To see what it does click here

What finally made the choice simple for me was that the BOZZ stroller was nowhere to be found except for online, and I wouldn’t want to buy it without trying it. Also the fact that I would still have to keep the Bugaboo Cameleon as Nicholas will be out of the stroller before the baby, and I don’t want to be using a double stroller for only one child. The reviews I read on it weren’t so positive, people complained about brakes, breaking after only two months of use, and when I try finding the manufacturer’s website I can’t! Where are they made? Who makes them??

So the Donkey it is, and we will be selling our cameleon, as the Donkey goes from single to double with only a few easy clicks. I won’t be needing another stroller, and if at some point Ken goes one place with Nicholas, and I go another with the baby, and we BOTH need a stroller Nicholas can use his travel one. Less clutter in the hallway, and much easier for us.


Now Ken just came in the door, and I just put Nicholas down for his nap, time to crochet a bit and then get ready for todays midwife appointment! I am sure she is going to tell me that baby doesn’t have her head down yet (as I feel all the kicks in the bottom part of my belly) and I am also starting to think that this one just might stay in there until her due-date. Feels like I have so much more room in there than I did with Nicholas..

Go enjoy your day!


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One Response to Tuesday Stream Of Consciousness

  1. Pingback: Grass Widow Again | Dag Til Dag

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