Usually I’m the kind of person that really just love being pregnant. I love the feeling of a little body squirming inside of me, I love that certain glow pregnant women have, and I love the way the addition of a pregnant belly makes me feel. I honestly feel much better about myself when I am pregnant than I do when I’m not.
But today I don’t want to sing to the Joys Of Pregnancy. Today I feel like complaining about the crap that comes with it. Heartburn, achy sore pelvis and back, stretch marks, and bad bad bad sleep quality. The latter of course being what I hate the most, seeing as I’m actually a clone between a human and a sloth..
Normally I love being a mother, and I love being a mother to Nicholas more than anything. Usually I would write how much I love the few times he wakes up at night and I get to cuddle him close with his sleepy warm body molded against mine, a perfect fit for a perfect little human. I would tell you how him calling out “Mamma!!” and then running to meet me, his whole face lit up with joy, fills my heart with so much love it feels like it would burst.. I would tell you how much watching him growing and maturing fills me with a bitter-sweet joy, a mix of proud accomplishment for raising this little person, and a longing for when he was little, and needed me more..
Not today. Today I just want to complain about how I had to wake up about a thousand times last night because something, no idea what, but something, was bothering Nicholas to the point of him waking every 45 minutes and calling out for me, and how hearing him calling “Mamma” just made me want to bang my head into the wall with frustration and anger for the loss off sleep and the fact that I knew I had to get up in such a short time to get him ready for nursery. I want to complain about the fact that he for some annoying reason prefers me over daddy at the moment, and how I just can’t handle ONE more NO from his mouth, or one more anger tantrum from him. Ever. I want to complain about the joint hassle of being heavily pregnant and a toddler mother at the same time. How it’s so much more work when you are home with your child 24/7 than if you can just “dump” him at day care and head to work..
But to be honest, as I’m writing this I find all the anger and frustration evaporating, and just thinking about the things I usually find so lovely about being a mother, and about being pregnant actually over shadows the cons by a long shot. I wouldn’t want to change my predicament for anything, I wouldn’t want to take back the 23 months I’ve gotten to have Nicholas home with me for a million bucks, and I definitely love being a pregnant mother of a toddler whenever I think of how much joy these two siblings will have in each other in a few years..
Long story short, I love my life. Heartburn, achy pelvis, tantrum throwing toddler and all..
Now it’s just a matter of remembering that if he wakes up a thousand times again tonight..
Now I’m going to go clean a stroller so it’s ready for re sale!